Get it Yourself!
by Goody
Summary: I was just thinking how often Aragorn orders poor Leggy around during the movies. This is Legolas's response as Aragorn appoints him another task he can't do himself.


Just a little bit of humor. Sometimes I think Aragorn expects too much of our elf. 

Get it Yourself!

By Goody

Aragorn leapt from the great ship, Anduril in hand, eyes ablaze in anticipation of battle. Before him stood the army of Mordor, but behind him stood an army of ugly dead green guys, as well as an elf and a dwarf with a serious competition going on.

 "So you get to start at 43, and I start 42," Legolas confirmed with Gimli before they leapt off the ship and into the horde of Orcs and Uruk-Hai that waited.

 "Exactly. May the best Dwarf win," Gimli agreed as he hefted his axe. Legolas smirked, strung his bow and killed an Orc before they left the ship.

 "43," he said triumphantly, "Why don't we just start 0-0?"

 "Fine, whatever," Gimli grumbled and jumped from the ship, cursing the Elf's pointy arrows.

 The Man, Elf, Dwarf and army of ugly green dead guys engaged Mordor in battle. Legolas and Gimli counted their kills and Aragorn just killed stuntman after stuntm … I mean, Orc after Orc. Everything was going quite well, in fact they were whooping a$$ and taking names, but then a loud stomping was heard in the distance.

 Aragorn turned and nearly dropped his sword as he saw a HUGE elephant (a Mumakil to be precise, but it was bloody huge!) coming toward them and stomping on the Rohirrim like they were ants.

 "Legolas!" Aragorn yelled desperately, "There's a big elephant over there that needs killing!"

 The elf turned and stepped back, "Holy sh*t!"

 "Uh, that one's all yours laddie, enjoy." Gimli said, then turned to hunt down some smaller, safer Orcs.

 "Well go get it!" Aragorn ordered the elf, stunned he was still just standing there.

 "Go get it? Have you been smoking Pippin's pipeweed? What do you want me to do, try to trip the thing when it steps on me?"

 "Can't you talk to it or something?" Aragorn asked, impatient.

 "I'm a Wood Elf Aragorn, we don't see a lot of GIANT ELEPHANTS in the woods! Get it yourself," Legolas replied, not going anywhere.

 "I'm busy leading the charge," Aragorn explained. Duh.

 "Oh, you're killing stuntmen and the dead army hasn't been CGed in yet. You've got lots of time to take care of it yourself," Legolas insisted, watching as the huge elephant demolished a few more innocent by-standers.

 "I really think it's more up your alley. You go kill it and I'll watch your back," Aragorn promised but Legolas wasn't stupid.

 "Where do you get off ordering me around anyway? I think your expectations of me might just be a little too high. Ever since I took out that Cave Troll it's been "Legolas do this, Legolas do that", you've got to learn to be more independent," the elf advised.

 "Well you haven't exactly been living up have you? What about at Helm's Deep. I ask you take out one little Uruk-Hai with a torch, but noooooo, you have to let him go and blow up the wall," Aragorn complained.

 "I hit him twice in the chest, how was I supposed to know he was going to be harder to kill than Boromir? What did you want me to do, jump off the wall and block the way?" Legolas asked, incredulous. He hadn't seen Aragorn doing anything to stop the Uruk after all.

 "Might have been a start," Aragorn continued, "Can we talk about it after you kill the giant elephant?"

 "Why are you asking me to do it anyway? Don't you have an entire dead army at your disposable here? An army that can't die; wouldn't they be a better choice to take care of this?"

 "You're immortal, I think you could do it," Aragorn said, pretty sure the elf could take him down.

 "That is so lame. I think you just want me out of the picture because I have nicer hair and more fangirls, I bet …" Legolas started, and then heard Gimli killing stuntmen nearby.

 "56, 57, 58 …"

 "Dammit," Legolas cursed, having fallen behind in their game. He looked at the HUGE elephant: there were twenty guys on top of it and it had killed about five hundred people already, making it as dangerous as about 100 Orcs. Killing it would be his only way of catching up now. 

 He turned to Aragorn, "You're lucky I have a game to win."

 Aragorn just shrugged as he raced away to kill the monster of a CG effect. Legolas leapt onto a tusk, swung to a foot, swung to the next foot, climbed the arrows on the creature's legs to reach the top, killed all the men there, shot the HUGE elephant in the head, killed it, slid down its trunk as it died, posed nicely for the camera and all the fangirls, and didn't even break a sweat. 

 Gimli wasn't impressed, "It still only counts as ONE!" 

 "You sodding git!" Legolas exclaimed, "Let's see you take one down! That's at least worth fifty, off the bat. I crushed at least that many Orcs when the thing fell over."

 "Well then you didn't really kill them then," Gimli waved him off, seeing that the CG dead army had taken care of the rest of the stuntmen, "The fight's over anyway. Let's go get some food."

 "I think Denethor ate it all while Faramir was riding to sure death, I could hear the echoes of his chewing all the way to the Paths of the Dead." Legolas explained, slinging his bow.

 "We'll find something," Gimli assured him and together the two walked through the field of motionless stuntmen and watched as Aragorn freed the dead green CG army of their curse. They disappeared like effects on the wind. 

 "You know if you'd kept them around we could have used them to completely destroy Mordor," Legolas pointed out.

 "Hey, you're right. Wait a second dead guys!" Aragorn called out, but the CG army was already gone, skipping happily to rest in peace. Good times.

 Aragorn swore, "We'll just have to ride to certain death ourselves." But what else was new?

The end.

Short and sweet. I just felt like writing tonight. Hope you enjoyed it.


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